Rejected by McSweeney's

I got rejected when I submitted this list to them...since I spent all of 10 minutes on this, however, I suppose being too morose over this would be unseemly.

Here's the list:

Rejected Names for IKEA Products

Snöttragg

Asswiipe

Kurt Vonnegut

Eatt Myshörtts

Miilk Kratte

Wett Sppötte

Tupac Shakur

Lazee Böyy

Scuuter Libbie

Barka Loungger

Details

he just walked off the detail, he was a prisoner and not considered violent, but when he walked off the detail he acquired a knife, somewhere between the road, the state park, and the subdivision that borders it, do they grow on trees, broke into a house and raped a woman at knife point, took off, in her car, and now they can’t find him, all this happening in minutes, this man that was not considered a dangerous criminal even though he was in jail and just walked away from the prison guards that took him to the road where he was presumably supposed to pick up trash, and this woman, now, Raped, robbed, she’ll never look at a man or men or her kitchen the same way again, he raped her at knife point after he just walked away from the prison society put him in even though he was not a dangerous criminal. was he or did we make him. what difference does it make. And Plato thought we came out of the cave.


*vented hastily, direct to screen, after hearing the news story, in the middle of a Spanish class I was subbing for, at a school where they lost two kids in a month, and near the school where the girl was hung from a tree in her yard a few weeks back. This was where I came to escape the crime wave. Is that ironic.

MFA brilliance

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/mfa.html

Cc Preschool

a four year old boy licked the bottom of my shoe. have you ever seen. rest time. wiggles. no mother. what mother could. junk yard. father who can't read. write his own name. can you do it for me. color my cat. a camel with a camera. the boy. asks. can i please hug you. will you be back. joe licked the bottom of my shoe today.

D an cers

jim is currently asleep outside the library with his head on one fist but maybe not currently
only in a shot but after a fact
now opposed sexes inside each other yet the viewer as both at once
the blinds remain closed
with a number written that no one should remember
and then where to go where to be staying
a group of individuals
a rock in glue
rubrics pouring ice cubes
is chicago is not chicago
the reduction
reduce the us age expanding
distraction from awkward
the first six feet create all sales
aloft goes the beating
what fingers what rods
near far reader red
less home ownership of containers
life
can it say it
tomato soup downside up calling tapeworm
met this girl met this boy met this girl met this
a few leafs through a drawn blind

Everyone use

how to live the address
unpublished and lines crease
where the shadow wont form reminding
starting no circle no in the fiber
not seen marked but spaced stutter
these paws rest touch in
brawl hearted stuck ade draw
leveling jung%anger to in meta
or%article lettered strum eats their
motion read votive refreshed oppose%
table encroach spaced vine a%door%rinse
feel a%mend%in%turning closed to in truck%
gated split stall this the student of
this the prairie horizontal city within
on before hand on of the moment on passing
over on all of the it on then bill%yard felled
or look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look here look